She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
