When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize