I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
