Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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