i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
