On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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