You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
