it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
