Don't make out with my wife yet
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
