my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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