UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
