mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
