Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
