I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I faked an abortion last night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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