He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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