There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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