you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
