Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
