just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
