Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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