Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you never un-have a 4some
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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