I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
two words...techno handjob
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
