i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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