I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
