i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
