She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
