You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
