we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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