I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
