do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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