Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
