Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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