I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
