Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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