I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
