You can't special order awesome
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
