you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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