Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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