HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
