So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
