I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
