U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
