she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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