your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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