your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
