Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
