Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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