First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize