Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
