my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
