so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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