do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
