i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize