I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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