At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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