The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
