She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize