Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
