Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
