zippers are such a cool invention
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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