just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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