i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
