quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
