sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
