I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
