Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
