I could have mohawked her pubes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
