If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
