I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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