i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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