I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize