I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
