I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
